Dear Maggie

Dear Maggie,

2017 is going to be the best year of your life. Not because of the incredible, wonderful things that happened to you (and there were plenty), but because of the terribly hard things that happened to you. 2017 is going to be the best year of your life because 2017 is going to make you the best version of yourself, yet.

2017 is going to start out with a literal interpretation of “new year, new me”, and you’re going to quit your job about 4 days in. During the first half of the year you’re going to be spending a solid chunk of your savings every month on rent, utilities, the gym, and the emotional shopping. But don’t worry, 2017 will challenge you to maneuver your finances and lifestyle in a way you didn’t think you could before. It’s going to be a long road to paying off that credit card bill, but you’re going to doing it.

After you quit your job, you’re going to lose yourself for a few months. Be prepared to sit in confusion for a while. Understand that you might only know who you really are when you’re in the gym. You’re going to isolate yourself from your friends and spend a lot of days crying to your cat in your one bedroom apartment. You’re going to live for Saturday mornings at the farmer’s market followed by hours at the gym and Sunday snuggles with Penny. Even unemployed, you’ll worship the weekends.

You’re going to try and find every reason not to pursue the career of your dreams. You’ll go on job interviews, and honestly Mags, you’re going to kill all of them. But you already know that you’re great in person. “Just get me into the room and I’ll get the job” has always been your motto. Every interview you go into, though, is going to be a job you don’t want to land.

Guess what? You’re going to get a full-time offer. You aren’t going to be proud because you know you won’t accept it. Do this for me, Maggie: take a minute to be proud of yourself.

Then, you turn 25. And you’re going to wonder if you’ve finally hit rock bottom? Prepare to be really angry all of the time. You have the gym, and it feels like that’s it. Everything that fuels and feeds and supports you is either there or back home. You’ll consider moving back home with your parents for months.

Your relationship is going to disintegrate during 2017, too. You’re going to fight, a lot, with the person you love, and refuse to tell anyone that it might not work out. Ready yourself for a few major breakdowns. Expect to feel an intense amount of guilt, tears, and resentment when it ends. You will cause someone so much pain that you can’t even begin to imagine.

But you’ll finally start to be happy. You’re going to start to find yourself again, Maggie, I promise. Summer will move so quickly that you’ll blink and miss it. Friendships will explode, you’ll land your dream job, and you’ll fall in love with your new city and your new people and your new opportunities. Some of them will literally give you a home for a time, but they will all support you unconditionally, and they’re going to help you rebuild your head and your heart.

You’ll laugh more than you have in so long that it almost hurts to think about the years you spent not laughing that much. You’re going to fall back in love with what you do, who you are, and where you’re going.

This world needs you and your passion, energy, and grace, Maggie. Don’t let yourself lose that again.

The gym will not only be your place of work, but your place of rest. It’s going to be really hard to keep showing up to workout when you’re still dealing with all of those injuries during the year, but just keep coming. You’re going to lift at a national weightlifting meet, kick the crap out of your lifts, and feel like you’re sitting on top of the world. You’re going to see some of your very best friends compete at Regionals and travel with some of them to the Games. It’s worth every penny.

You’re going to get physically stronger than you EVER dreamed of this year- we’re talking 20 pound PRs in every lift. AND you’re going to make it onto new programming even sooner than you thought. I can promise the first month of it is going to be so hard for so many reasons. Expect to cry before, during, or after workouts almost every day. It’s okay. You’re learning who you are as an athlete. You’re being pushed to be uncomfortable. You’re finding what drives you and you’re finding yourself. You are GROWING, Maggie. So much.

Remember what it feels like to be in one, solid piece again. Hold on so tight to that feeling, Maggie. Your heart will break one too many times this year, but it will repair itself and you’re going to remember how freakin’ worth it you are. You’ll be lost and broken this year, but I promise you, you’re going to find your way back to yourself. (And when you don’t feel like you can, you’ll turn to your girlfriends and your Mom. They’ll hold you and help you. Don’t forget to thank them.)

You’re going to get to do what you were born to do. You are going to RISE above the bullshit. At the end of the year you’re going to look back and truly, truly be astonished at how far you’ve come. This is going to be the most challenging year of your entire life. Suck up all of the Beauty in the Strength it took to find yourself again.

You’re going to make it, Maggie. You’re going to be great.

Sending self love,

Maggie

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1 thought on “Dear Maggie

  1. Hey Maggie!

    I know we don’t know each other, but your blog came across one of my searches the other day and I wanted to let you know how much I respect/value your vulnerability. I honestly feel like I’m reading about my own life because I’ve been through/am currently going through some of the same struggles that you’ve written. And let me tell ya, life is hard. But I’ve found Crossfit to be an outlet for me too. It’s just encouraging to read your work because I know SOMEONE out there can relate. I wanted to return the encouragement to you to keep shining because your positivity is contagious 🙂

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